Sometimes,i felt lonely
sometimes,i felt lovely
somehow,i think i can forget him
but,i know i can't
somehow,i know how to hate him
but,i know i can't
why do i have to be like this?
I don't even know any of this problems
when i realized that i love him,
i hate myself..
But when i want to forget him
i can't
God, You know how hurt my heart
You know how much i am hurting myself
and You know that i don't want to be like this..
My dearest God,
help me forget it..
Help me through it..
Keep me tough..
I believe,i can do this because of You..

in this early night, i used to continue my work...but, i don't...
i am just sitting without doing anything, wondering my life later
when i was wondering, you came into my imagination, through my wondering
i don't know why, but i felt happy
even i know and i have to realize that you won't ever being mine
never in my life, we've big defferences... and i know that..
but, you know what, i am still hoping that you will be mine, for forever
but still, it is just a hope,, hope can be coming true or not
ya...i am still hoping that it can be a hope that comes true...

and...

for my beloved...

stay beside me,ok? even you never realize that i love you, but you still in my heart..

he walked through the darkness..
he wanted to meet her
in the last time of his life

one step further... he will reach her...he will meet her

he saw her standing alone
look towards the sky...something she is looking for

he ran into her
she still standing toughly
he hug her...hug her tightly

he saw her eyes... she is crying

he kissed her in the time left
said that he still love her like he always do
but, time made him left her

he said to her,
by looking at her eyes
he loves her, he always do
he felt inconsolable, like usual
when he remembered, never be with her forever

it is just because of the time
the last time that he has, to tell her
to make her understand...
to say sorry

inthe rest of his time,
in the last chance in his life,
in that time...



he left her forever....


_in the day of her collapsing, he died_

why this feeling is hurting me so much? how can i forget about it? i don't want to feel like this...always feeling guilty on him, even he is the one who made mistakes.
i don't want to feel lonely too... it will be so empty if he wasn't here
staying beside me...
i know, how much i love him, so does he
i have given everything to him, but he didn't give any respect
fristly, i thought the love that i gave him will be everlasting...but now i know, that's wrong
this love can't be everlasting, because i knew that he didn't have the same perception like me...we're different now...
not going to be same as before, as i hope...no...
for my dearest God,
please give me some ways to solve this problems
let me love you more tahn i love him...
i know you always being here for me, to help me, to give me the everlasting love
please, now help me through this problems toughly, strongly, patiently
until i can get back who i am, as Your human...

he walked alone in the dark
as i looked at his eyes, tiredness
as i looked at his smile, sorrow
emptiness that he has

his body looks so thin,
painful that he always bring as usual

he sat on the ground
looked at him self
angry to himself
because nothing that he can do

he felt guilty on something
no, someone
someone that he ahs disappointed on
someone that he hurts

he thought abouy his fault
everything that he had done in the past

he hard to apology
he didn't want to meet her again
he has made a big mistake
and he deserved to have the punishment

but, even he has to deserve it,
he realized that he can't be living alone without her love
her passion, her smile, everything about her
he can't be with or without her