the best ever

days come and gone
but i am still here waiting for you
be the one to stand still
thought you will never go away from my arms

cause i am falling for you
cause i am in love with you
just hold on ... you are the best ever

let me say it to you
so there will be no other regret
let me love you
love you til the last beat of my heart

cause i falling for you
cause i am in love with you
no one could ever changed
you are the best ever

dont ever let go off this holding hands
distance cant change any of this
because you are the best ...
ever happened in my life



this is not a poem , actually this is a lyric that i made by myself :)

i am spending my time alone

i am sitting here in front of many kinds of bread . i am starring at them . hm .. waht a delicious food with a really good smell . i tried to make myself comfortable here . i lookes at the side walk beside me . many people passed by this place without caring about anything . they just ignoring what is around them . hm .. i dont care anyways . but some of them are starring at me sometimes when they passed my place . i dont know why , waybe its because i am here alone . a lil girl sitting alone with her notebook and a glass of iced chocolate . is that something wrong with that ? i dont think so :D i take my iced chocolate and drink it . a really good tastes . it can make up my mood :) i am waiting for my mum here . she is watching a movie with my lil sister and my grandparents . why didnt i join ? it kinda bored for me . i mean the movie . i am not interested with that kind of romantic movie at all . ok .. i am still waiting and looking at people that passed by my place . hm .. bored bored . but its also good . i like being alone like this . i can feel the peaceful though there are many voices and a lil bit crowded . hhaha as if i would care :P
and ... geez , my battery is low . Damn it ! i have to wait for my mum by reading a nnovel . okay .. more bored then .. huff :( but i love it

it is not a short story , but a fact

Hm … where do I have to start it ? okay , first I met a guy named Faruq Suriaganda . he is a guy from Germany but he is Indonesian . he was spending his vacation at my school to learn about Indonesian language and culture . he went here with his little brother Irfan Suriaganda . about Faruq , I didn’t see anything interesting in him for the first time . his appearance was not that good just like an ordinary . so , I focused with his little brother Irfan because he has got a good appearance though he wasn’t as talkative as Faruq . okay , that was the first time I met him . the first thought of mine about him . bur then it changed . I saw him explained something to my friend and it impressed me that much . the way he explained a thing can describe his thoughts , his knowledge . he really impressed me . and from that time I have just known that he has something inside him . he is that smart , intelligent . typical of guy that I am searching for . but I haven’t think about that . I was just thinking how to be closed with him . to know him more . to talk with him much . to listen when he is explaining about something . until I felt in love with him . the way he treat girls were that nice . I never found that kind of guy , maybe its because he used to Germany culture or what , I don’t care . he really can make me interesting in him . I really felt in love with him . but the fact that he will be just a month in here made me think twice to felt in love . and other problems also came one by one . before I was in relationship with him I have already got a problem with someone who is closed to me . I know she also love him and I have decided to let go off him . though it hurts me . she didn’t want to understand and I also cant deny the feeling that I have to him . but I still trying to let go off him and he realized that . one day , he asked me to go out with him just the two of us . I thought it wasn’t a good idea but I accepted it . because I don’t have any other reasons why I should rejected it besides because of her . so , come that day august 17th 2009 , we went together also with my friend named Billy . the really unforgettable time happened at the pool . he confessed to me . one thing that I never imagine , never expected for . because I thought he loves her , that loves him too . he said it was a mistake . he just loves her as his little sister not even more . and he never thought to make a relationship with her . then , because I didn’t want to deny anything I just said that I also feel the same way like he feels . he smiled at him . he said that he loved me for three times in a row –what a funny , I didn’t realize- . and the relationship began . but it was only 15 days left until he went back to Germany . we were really used the time left by being together but nobody knew about our relationship . because I told him not to say it to anybody . we still have some problems at that time . the girl who loved him was disappointed with me and she left me , angry with me . then another problem came . a guy that loved me also felt disappointed because I prefer choose a new guy that I have just met , to him . it hurts him I know , but I was thinking he wouldn’t do anything to me . we just like in a fake relationship . I don’t even want to be with him . he is not a gentleman . he can treat me that good , he cares about me but just that . I cant feel comfortable beside him . I was depressed that day but faruq was still being with me and cheer me up . he convinced me that I could face it . I am his little tough girl . that’s why I can stand tall to face everything . I was just ignoring what people said about our relationship . and I did it . they didn’t disturb me anymore . okay maybe some of them still angry with me . and I realized that time run that fast . it was his last day here . I accompanied him to the airport . after everything prepared , the boarding time came . he hug me that tight I know he didn’t want to let me go . I also didn’t want to let him go . it was hard for us . both of us . I was trying not to cry because I didn’t want to burden him more by crying and I also have promised him . he let go off his hug and walked away from me . he didn’t even say good bye or looked at me . I understood , he just didn’t want to feel harder to let me go . I saw him from far until he gone . I couldn’t stand myself after that time . I cried in my car . I felt that hard to let him go . I felt that hard to realize that he wasn’t here anymore with me to face everything . but then , his words that he will be back soon and he promised me to keep this holding hands made me feel better . I trust in him , he also trust me . the way he called me “lil tough tami” always be in my head . it means that I have to always be that tough girl until I met him again . we both sure about this relationship . we both sure that we can faced the distance . with our promised , our faith , our trust and our love . I love you ef …

Maybe after you read this , you will think that it was just a short story . but it wasn’t . it was really happened in the past at the first time I met my boyfriend named Faruq Suriaganda . I hope you can get something from this story … and I will always keep it in my mind :)

do you ever imagine how if your lover is far away from you ?
it is not just seperated by time , but also land and sea , even continent ..
it is not that easy right ?
how you can trust in your partner , how you act to other lovers , how you still being faithful each other ..
it is unusual , isnt it ?
but , who cares anyways ?
it is something that we've to try if we had being sure with it
it is something that we've to protect
dont ever give up with it , in fact you havent try it
the things that you have to do are :
1. turst aech other
2. being faithful
3. being honest
4. try to keep in contact even it is just for a moment
5. be ready with your long distance relationship
and protect your love inside your heart then you are ready with your relationship ..

that is why i am sure with this Long Distance Relationship ..

for my Germany Boy , i love you .. lets try this Long Distance Relationship :)

Unrequired Love

i am starring at you
looking at your beautiful eyes
it is the truth
your touch i cant forget
your smile that always in my mind
loving you is unnecessary
that you i cant deny
as an unrequired love
having you is just myu wish
we're in different time
land separated us
it is just an unrequired
no confession
as i am happy secretly in love with you ...

broken heart

it is not necessary for me to say i am in love with him
though , i am still doing that in recent
wrong , isnt it ?
no , actually .. but it becomes like that
it used to be a happiness but it comes to be sadness on my hand
why ?
because i insist myself to keep looking for his love
eventhough i know that he won't be mine
but his attitude , his act is just like he gives me some ways
he gives me something that he never gives that to others
that is why i insist myself to be with him
and then , not long after that complicated time
i know that he is not alone
not as i thought
his act to me , his careness to me is just a bull shit
why i said that ?
because the fact tell me that thing
the fact convince me that he is not mine
he wont be mine
i never regret that i have ever like him
but it is just something that i cant expect
i cant fill in
it is just something that hurt me so much
and make me in a really worse time
in a broken heart :(

away from you

I’ve surfed around the world
Passed many times alone
I am on my own footsteps
Away from you …
I’ve searched throughout the world
A lot of things I’ve seen
I’ve learnt about many possibilities
But , why I still being away from you ?
On my own , so far away I lost
On my own , with all the despair
Away from you …
On my own , so far away I roam
For your warm lovin arms
To take me away from pain
And bring me to a wonderland , with you
I don’t want to be
Please don’t let me be
Away from you …

RAIN

rain
it is raining outside
starring at the rain at night
i think it much
somehow rain reflects sorrow
when rain comes there always be a sadness
but then
someone teach me
that rain isnt always reflecting sorrow
but rain also giving us happiness
the joyful , peaceful as it goes
the water that goes down from the sky
it gives earth live
as we never realized
how will our live turn to be without rain
rain
gives us live
gives us feel
gives us joyful
rain
keep make our earth alive
and rain



as your name =)

walking down the street
whispering
looking up the sky
wondering
i am in my own world
i dont need anything else to be conceded
i dont need anyone to be believed
because of you i am living alone in my own world
because of you i cant see anything
because of you i deny the truth
never realized about everything that shown
erased it , forget it
just let it flow and let me be alone
let me passed this with my own sorrow
because the destiny path has being written
not me who asked this for
not me who wanted this be
not me the one
it is you
change my life , make it gone , covered by shadows
i am invincible , though i am a lil girl
you have to know that
that i am invincible because of my self
my own world
then again , i walked alone in my own world with no gravity of reality

little missed sunshine

I found my self today and ran away
Ran away from the truth
Run away from my life
No wonder or hope that might come true
No happiness or joy that might happen
I missed sunshine
Light that always shining
Wind that always blowing
Little missed sunshine
That you I can’t deny
That you I might believe
Little missed sunshine
In my night
You sing me your lullaby
That brings joyful through my life
My night and day
Little missed sunshine
For you my sunshine =)

my lullaby

my lullaby
makes me wonder, makes me hope
my lullaby
my night, my day
I convinced my self that you are mine
Nothing can change
None of those sick truth
I promised my self that you are my one
My lullaby
Warming my night
Gives me the silver lining that have ever lost
My lullaby
You are the truth that I believe
Teach me how to survive
Loving me as I need to be loved
My lullaby
Gives me love, life
Gives me happiness
My lullaby
Always being near me and
Sing me your lullaby =)

empty

In a cold dark empty night

I starred at the sky

Looking up, imagine something shown

Nothing comes out

Tired of waiting

This soul is just dying

These eyes can’t see something

Everything becomes nothing

None of expecting

Dark night following

No silver lining above

Nothing could be shown

Thy just can shouting at me

Thy just can angry with me

Life doesn’t being perfect anymore

No holly, no light, no trusty

All about the fake

All about the shadows

That never gone

Covering all the time

That passed , that rolled

like the beat of heart , until it stops by itself

love can make me understand about life
i really know why people do need love
i experience it, just now
i met you for the first time
nothing i could realized from you
nothing i would expect from you
i dont feel anything
but suddenly, something happened
you give me your smile, you looked at my eyes . that brown eyes that i could never imagine, how that eyes can make me fall in love
yes, i fall in love with you
not exactly from the first time, but then i realized that i cant forget the smile that you have just given to me
i dont know, how could i be without that smile

boy, you make me fall in love and let it be like that ...

sometimes, love can be in so much pain
it can hurts and make me in a really miserable time
in that time, i felt like i dont need love
but then, i know a quotes says that people do need love to coloring their life
i realized that
but then , i still do runaway from love
love that can kill me
love that untrue
i dont know how to believe that love is pure
unbreakable
because in the other hand i would make you realize that i love you not because of you, but because my heart says so
trust me, nothing i could do except it deep of silence

no wish that can come true. all about my wishes is just kind of something unuseful . nothing i could ever tell more about. nothing that i could expect from everything =(

hope

when you come and bring me the happiness that i never have
i felt thankful
when you are mine and being beside me
i felt joyful
but then you go away from my life
you left me naked behind
without happiness and strength to stand still
you let me be alone with my sorrow
i hardly breathe the air without you by my side
i loose everything i got in life
you know that i love you in every beat of my heart
i know you love me, even though you left me behind
now, i just can wondering your face, your smile, your laugh
i just can remembering you by everything i got from you
and hope the best for you in your life
hope that i am still there in your heart
because you will always be here in my heart, in sorrow also happiness
i hope that there will be someone better than me
that can make you laugh an d smile
brought you happiness
and i will standing here, starring at you
with hope and wonder

hardly breathe

it is something that i cant ignore . I dont want to refuse , i dont want to deny the truth . I have to convinced that i cant live without you . I hardly breathe the air without you by my side . Its like no air around . I am dying without you here . I want to stay alive walking by your side , starring at your face , looking at the way you talked . It has been like heaven to touch . Being there , being yours . I love you as deep as i could , until the end even land and sea has gone . Even you are not always being beside me .. But i trust that you love me .

m.i.s.s.e.d you

missing you is something that i cant undo. i always do that every time i saw your face or even just remembering your name. you always being in my heart, that is why i cant stop missing you. even maybe you are not missing me as i do, but i will always missing you without any command from you. it is truly come out from my heart and i dont want to stop it. please, trust me that i am missing you and really in love with you.. please trust me.. =)

changes

everyone has their own changes. it is not their fault if they changed into someone new. the problem is just about time and how they know the differences between good or bad. we cant judge their changes we just can remind them about the bad changes. it depends on them, whether they want to accept it or they just want to refuse it.
i have my own experience of changing my life into a new me.

for the first time, nobody wants to accept my changes. they just can judge me and refuse the changes of me. but, i keep moving. i keep being me, my self, the new me even they still refuse it. i keep trying and trying. it has been being so long after the first time i did my changes, but they still refuse it. so, i didnt care at anything again. i just like my changes and also my parents, my big family like it. so, whether they like it or not, i am still moving and keep going with my self, the new me.

that is my story and that is just for an example. i dont want to put it in reality. i just want to share it, anyways. and i hope it wont happened again in any of your reality. keep being the best and move on eith your good changes. =)

valentine's day

last valentine's day is a really good moment. i met him. my love. even it is not as good as i imagine, but it still being a good day. i can meet him. see his face, see his smile, hear his voice, his laugh. hoah... it never happens in my life before. he is the one. he is the first. i really in love with you nda.. rally in love with you. thanks for last valentine's day..

love you nda..

if i am really not you, dont give me your smile
if i never being in your heart, dont respect me
if i will never be yours, dont let me love you more than this
i know you know,
i know you realize,
that everything you have done to me is hurting me
everything that you have done is to make me forget you
but, the fact is... i CANT
you always being in my heart, my thoughts
you know that but you refuse
i am sorry to let you know that i have been like you or even in love with you since the first time we met
i cant handle my feeling
i am sorry
i wont disturb you if you want me to
i am so sorry

in my heart

it is just a group of words. i mean, sentences that i want you all to read. i want you all to understand.

it has been so many times i am in a really confusing time. actually not really that confusing, but it seems to.

nobody understand that i need to be alone and i want to be alone. nobody accept my argument. they just can pushed me to do whatever they want me to be or want me to do. i really hate that. i have tried to warn them, but they didn't hear me. they still pushed me. why it can be happened? when i really need time to be alone, just with my friends, they didn't want to understand me.

i know i have mistakes, but that can't make them being like that. just kinda dictator. i am just a little girl who tried to know about me, myself. i just need time to be understood. but, they didn't give it. i am tired.

but, in this situation, i found something. actually someone. who can accept me and understand me.. thank tou so much for you. just don't try to push me. thank you.. i really thankful...